Diets Make You Fat

I read a book by this title at least 15 years ago, however, it took me at ten years to believe it. The statistics say that 96% of people who diet their weight down to a lower level eventually regain it, and in fact, because of the changes to their metabolism that dieting causes, most of them gain back more than they lost.

I had assumed of course, like most dieters, that it was personal failure that caused me to regain weight after successful diets. This in spite of the fact that almost everything else I've ever tried in my life I've been quite successful at. I have transcripts with good marks from schools and I have wonderful letters of reference from previous employers. I have friends who tell me I am an important person in their lives. Still, I assumed that it must be something wrong with me that I continue to fail at getting thinner.

Confused about it all, I kept reading. I kept finding more books that challenged the common wisdom. I thought about the four percent success rate on dieting, and realised that there must be many other people out there in the world who were successful at everything else they do in their lives, except weight loss.

Now, finally, I'm a believer. I've realised that diets of any kind simply feed my somewhat obsessive relationship with food. In my case, I discovered that food was the main way I dealt with feelings that were overwhelming me. I read a book by Geneen Roth called "Feeding the Hungry Heart", and realised that I could choose not to feed my bad feelings with food.

One interesting idea in this book was to be grateful for how food had helped me deal with my feelings. Other people chose alcohol, or drugs, or casual sexual relationships to deal with their fear, anger, pain, or loneliness. Many of these coping strategies are much more dangerous than being fat.

Another interesting idea was changing the goal of getting thinner, to a new one of getting healthier. There seemed to be a number of books around saying that it was possible to be healthy and fat, especially if you work to be fit and fat. I found an interesting study which seemed to imply that one of the main causes of health problems for fat women is the stress of the pressure on them from others about their fat.

I started a process of simply observing when I was overeating. I slowly gained insight into which feelings or stresses were triggering the extra eating. Then I started to ask myself to think about the stresses before I ate, (with a reassurance that I could eat if I still really felt I needed to). Eventually I got to a point where I could recognise the restlessness and anxiety that usually proceeded eating inappropriately and found that if I did something to address the anxiety then the pull to eat would go away.

The books I was reading also stated that if I learned to trust my body, it would tell me what I should eat, and how much I should eat. I realised at one point that I had been eating by the clock for many years (eating when I should eat). Now I had to learn to eat when I was hungry, and only what I was hungry for.

This was difficult. I realised I had been often eaten things that I did not even enjoy, and following that "clean your plate" rule from childhood. I made myself a promise that I did not have to eat anything I didn't like ever again, and that if I made a mistake and took too much food at some point, I could choose not to eat it.

I remember a landmark day, when I realised I just didn't want the extra piece of toast I'd made for breakfast. I remember the rush of feeling that I was doing something daring as I took that piece of toast and put it in the compost bucket instead of just eating it anyway. It has been an astounding process. I virtually never overeat at holiday meals or buffets these days, and if I do, that tight feeling in my stomach is a gentle but firm reminder for me to stay more in touch with what my body really wants. It does not want that stuffed feeling.

The amazing thing that happened as I gained these insights was that I stopped gaining weight. I had been gaining, slowly but steadily for most of my life, but now I was just staying the same weight for weeks, months, and eventually years. I felt so free. So free of the fear and anxiety of getting bigger and bigger, and so free of all the dieting rules, and a world divided into good food and bad food.